i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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