He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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