I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
