im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
