She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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