he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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