We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
