I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
