I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
