I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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