a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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