girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
