last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
