If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
