there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
