On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
