remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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