forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize