that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
