Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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