He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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