cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I believe in your delicious
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
