she looked like the before picture.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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