Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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