i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize