That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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