I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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