Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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