So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
