How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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