I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
