I think my fart just growled at me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I didn't notice because vodka
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
