other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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