Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
