Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
