i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
