I'm really into asian looking animals
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
