when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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