You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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