also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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