I wish I could punch you in the face.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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