Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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