I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
