Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
