I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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