I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
