hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
