I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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