A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize