I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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