well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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