OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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