making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want a musical about memes.
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