why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
