i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize