Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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