What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
