so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
