my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
