Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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