He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
