Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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