I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
