Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
