i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
