her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
