I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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