FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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