just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize