You smell like stripper and shame
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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