Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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