I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
