I hope mine doesn't look like that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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