I just made out with a guy for $7.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
