If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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