So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
