You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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