please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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