happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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