thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
