there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
