And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
