I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
