the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
