just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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