he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
