I cannot find my penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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