One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
