K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
