I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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