dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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