So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
