Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize