textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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