The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
