please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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