your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
