My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
