Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
