I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
