I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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