...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
