it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
In America we eat man semen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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