I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
