So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
