You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
