My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
