Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
