Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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