Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
