I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
