Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
