Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
