he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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