I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
