Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I looked at my own cervix.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
