Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
